A FAMILY WISH LIST - #2

As I mentioned in the last blog, some years ago I preached a series of sermons on THE FAMILY! The second of my sub-titles was "I WISH MY PARENTS WOULD. . ." which is the topic of today's blog. When I spoke on this subject, I asked the YOUTH to contribute by completing the sentence "I Wish My Parents Would. . ." and I admit I was surprised at the number and variety of their very honest responses. ALL of the responses they gave reminded me of this Biblical principle; that is, God has delegated the responsibility for oversight of children to their parents, and God truly holds parents accountable for this supervision and training! It can not be passed to the school, even a Christian school, teachers, churches, youth groups, relatives or to others! Parents must own this responsibility for their children!

God appointed parents to raise, train, and nurture their children in the following areas:

1) To establish perimeters for behavior.

2) To discern between wishes/requests that are wholesome and those which are detrimental.

3) To foster and promote maturity as they grow.

4) To develop appropriate social skills; interactions with other people - peers as well as with adults.

5) To provide for their spiritual needs, to lead them to saving faith in Jesus, to help them grow in their faith, to help them read, study and obey the Bible, to pray and to prepare for eternity - not just this temporal, earthly life.

6) To prepare them to eventually live life on their own.

Before looking at the responses of the youth I alluded to earlier, let's begin with the Scripture.

"You (parents) shall teach them (the words of God) diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up" (Deuteronomy 6:7). "Train up a child in the way he should go. Even when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:1-4). "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart" (Colossians 3:21).

While it is very important to know what our children wish for, it is absolutely true that if we gave them everything they request, we'd have trouble. There would be too much, too fast, too easy and they would be "spoiled rotten" or become pitifully shallow people. It's a huge responsibility and job, but also a great privilege to prepare children to survive and be victorious in the spiritually hostile, and corrupt cultural environment they face in the world today. Every caring, loving and Christian parent craves help from God and from His Word!

Here, then, is the Predominate WISH LIST expressed by youth/children and the Biblical guidelines and commandments for meeting those expressed needs.

"I WISH MY PARENTS WOULD. . ."

1. "LOVE EACH OTHER."

2. "NOT ARGUE."

3. "SOLVE THEIR DIFFERENCES."

As you see, CHILDREN WANT TO SEE MARITAL HARMONY! Parents must show this harmony demonstrably to their children. In other words, harmony between Mom and Dad in their marriage and life together must be lived in full view of their children consistently. One of the teachings of the Bible is that there is a direct correlation between the stability of the parents and the well-being of their children. God established marriage of one man and one woman in large part for the protection of children. It was and is His will that children grow up in a loving, faithful and stable home environment. While there are those people who argue that since so many marriages are failing, we should abandon the ideal and redefine marriage altogether. This redefinition has been and is currently taking place before our very eyes. And I want to ask, "How is that working out for the good of relationships and the well-being of children?" My answer? "Perversion has very detrimental consequences (just look at society, read the news, and look at the utter confusion in the lives of those around us). And know this, perversion runs straight into God's condemnation!" God purposes children to grow up with the security of a father and mother who are fully devoted to God and to one another. Parents, if you really desire the best for your children, love God and love one another unconditionally, and live in harmony with each other. Love your spouse DEMONSTRABLY! Do your children really KNOW, SEE and HEAR your love for your spouse? Are you teaching by example what real and unconditional love for a spouse is all about; what that love looks like from a truly Biblical perspective?

CHILDREN WANT THEIR PARENTS TO GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER, RATHER THAN ARGUE AND FIGHT! I believe this WISH comes as a result of improper, un-Christian, selfish and ugly argumenta-tion on the part of parents. I'm not suggesting that your children should NEVER see or hear you argue with your spouse. BUT, you need to disagree without shouting, without anger and without being abusive or disrespectful. Argue quietly, in controlled attitude and words, lovingly and very respectfully! And always, engage in disagreement with the intention of arriving at AGREEMENT!

CHILDREN DO WISH FOR THEIR PARENTS TO SOLVE THEIR DIFFERENCES! Many if not most parents would benefit from "Conflict Resolution" training. Children need to see their parents "getting on the same page", working and striving to resolve their conficts/differences. And children need to see in the process of parents Biblically resolving their differences, that their parents really unconditionally love and respect each other, and are deeply and permanently committed to one another.

Other wishes these youths expressed (and I'm sure all children have the same wishes):

4. "I WISH MY PARENTS WOULD TRUST ME"! Children want additional freedom! So, parents must give their children freedom PROGRESSIVELY! From the day they are born, little kids seek independence. Teenagers seek it even more. Parents tend to hold on without relinquishing control. So, parents need to honor and make good use of their child's desire and need to become more in-dependent as they grow in physical stature, emotional stability, in making good choices and in all-around maturity! This, I call, 'PROGRESSIVE LIBERATION." It's giving children additional liberties that are age-appropriate and suitable for their level of maturity. Wise parents do this! If parents do not provide progressive freedom and instead remain too restrictive, they plant the seed for rebellion that manifests sooner or later. A word of caution here - Too much freedom, too early and too fast can indeed exasperate and embitter the child. (See Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21.) Wise, godly parents give progressive freedom that is commensurate with responsibility and accountability! It's essential for parents to communicate clearly and decisively to their children the "benchmarks" along the way.

5. "I WISH MY PARENTS WOULD BE MORE ENCOURAGING"! Children want affirmation! Parents must give their children consistent approval APPROPRIATELY! One of the crying needs of children at any and every age is affirmation/approval from their parents. Wise and godly parents do this purposefully! If children do not receive appropriate approval and purpose-driven affirmation from their parents, they will seek it from some other source, and that will most likely be an inappropriate source. Wise parents will take this need in their children very seriously. They can encourage their children verbally, "You did so good. . ."; "that was excellent work"; "I am proud of you"; "That was a great attempt"; "God and we love you"!, etc. Be sure your words are truthful; your kids will know when it is fake! Parents need to encourage their children physically by an appropriate touch. When Jacob was old and ill, his son Joseph came to him with his two sons. "Joseph said to his father (Jacob), these are my two sons." Jacob placed his hands on the heads of his grandsons and blessed them. The power of an appropriate touch is undeniable! (See Genesis 48:1-14.) Parents also encourage their children personally by giving them time and attention. Affirmation needs to be balanced by two qualifiers:

1) By appropriate correction. ". . . reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and

instruction" (II Tim. 4:2). ". . .speak and exhort (encourage) and reprove (correct)" (Titus 2:15).

2) By teaching children that ultimate and most importantly approval comes from God!

(Deuteronomy 6:6-9)

So Parents, you can see that children instinctively want some things that are RIGHT! They want a harmonious home, loving, caring and affirming parents, they want progressive freedom and they need to know their ultimate and most important value and worth come from God Himself!

There is so much truth in this reading:

When children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

When children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

When children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.

When children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.

When children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

When children live with balanced affirmation, they learn to appreciate.

When children live with generosity, they learn to share.

When children live with honesty and fairness, they learn truth and justice.

When children live in security, they learn to have trust.

When children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

When children live where Christ dwells, they learn to live in and with Jesus as Lord!

Parents, be wise and godly, implementing Biblical principles and commandments, in your awesome job of parenting, BEFORE it is nearly too late! We only get a few years to train our children!