A FAMILY WISH LIST - #4

So far in this series on The FAMILY, we've taken a Biblical look at In-Laws, Parents, Husbands and now today WIVES! The sub-title here is "I WISH MY WIFE WOULD. . ." In last week's blog ( I strongly encourage you to read it, if you haven't already! ), we explored the following truths that hold true for both husbands and wives! The relationship between a husband and his wife is HOLY! The pattern from which the fabric of a marriage is cut is the relationship between Christ and His Church from Ephesians 5:23-33. Therefore, marriage demands and truly warrants the very BEST we can jointly make it! So, let's seriously consider three Scriptures regarding this most sacred of human relationships. First, "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church; He himself being the Savior of it. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything" (Ephesians 5:23-24). Biblical submission allows a wife to confidently follow her husband's lead! And Ephesians 5:23 makes it clear that the husband does have responsibility for leadership in their home. It is only as a leader that his wife subjects herself to him - not as a tyrant, dictator or her superior! The wife is NOT expected or required to put up with abuse. A leader husband must follow the example of Christ and "give himself up" for his wife (Ephesians 5:25). Second, "And the wife must see to it that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). This command does not have any qualifiers. Third, "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord" (Colossians 3:18). Notice, this command includes the words, "AS IS FITTING IN THE LORD." This means there is a strong SPIRITUAL DIMENSION to the command to yield to the husband's loving and tender leadership!

As with other wishes expressed by family members, I requested the husbands in the church to complete this sentence: "I WISH MY WIFE WOULD. . ." To be perfectly honest, I received more responses from husbands than from any of the others. This blog, like last week's, should get the attention of every husband and wife! Don't ignore or refuse to acknowledge the truths expressed here. Most of the husbands' responses fell into four areas which we will look at in depth. A few others fell into a variety of classifications. Let's look at those first.

1) "I wish my wife would show she values my thoughts and feelings more."

2) "I wish my wife and I could together show our kids how true love and commitment really operate."

3) "I wish my wife would share her concerns more, seek my advice and be less controlling."

4) "I wish my wife would quit bringing up and re-hashing my past mistakes."

5) "I wish my wife would attend church with me."

6) "I wish my wife would quit putting my family down."

7) "I wish my wife would step away from the anger, resentment and rejection long enough to accept my sincere apology."

On a personal note, these responses make me very sad; I find them to be the exact opposite of what a husband and wife relationship was designed by God to be! I am also saying to both wives and husbands" NEVER SAY "YOU ALWAYS.. . ." or "YOU NEVER. . ."

Now, we turn to the four main expressions of wishes that husbands had regarding their wives. Here they are:

"I WISH MY WIFE WOULD BE CONTENT!" It seems there is a widespread dissatisfaction and dis-content experienced by many wives in this day and culture. Some are discontented with WHO THEY ARE! Feeling they aren't "good enough", "smart enough", "pretty enough", "skinny enough", etc. to find joy, happiness, fulfillment, purpose and acceptance in life, even by their own husband. Be careful that you, as a wife, do not get dissatisfied with HOW YOU LOOK! Do you know that it is reported, based on recent surveys (if they can be trusted) that the average American woman spends over $1200. annually on making her appearance acceptable; $313 on beauty products alone? Millennial and Gen Z women tend to spend $3,800. on their "LOOKS". Remember, God FASHIONED you in His image and He rejoices over you! God's Word says, "I (GOD) will rejoice over you with shouts of joy" (Zephaniah 3:17). Wives, remember you are in Christ and you are what you are in Him! "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1). "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus. . . ." (Ephesians 2:10). Since you are in Christ, HE has set you apart (sanctify, made holy). . .that He might present to Himself (her) in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless" (Ephesians 5:26-27). Wives can also be discontented with WHAT THEY HAVE! Instead of never being satisfied with your possessions and blessings, your husband wishes for you to cultivate a spirit of joy, peace and thanksgiving. It's up to you to practice gratitude, accept what you can't change, shift your focus from material possessions, embrace your situation, pursue your goals, find your purpose, and care for yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually to better manage your feelings, perceptions, and health. ". . .for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstance I am in" (Philippians 4:11). ". . .being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, 'I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,' so that we can confidently say, 'THE LORD IS MY HELPER, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. . .' " (Hebrews 13:5-6). Husbands wish their wives to be content with their God-given ROLE as wife and mother, with their husband and with their children, as well as with their possessions!

The "spirit of discontent" occurs and grows when wives find their identity in the realms of the world's attitudes, actions and values rather than in CHRIST! IF you are following the principles portrayed on TV or in Social Media, or from friends, relatives or co-workers who are not followers of Jesus, you are in Trouble! IF your sense of worth is derived from anything other Christ Himself, you will never be completely satisfied! Apart from Jesus, your sense of worth goes awry. In Christ, your entire value system is wholesome, healthy, and totally satisfying! CONTENT OR DISCONTENT, IN WHICH TENT DO YOU LIVE IN? And what are you going to do about it?

"I WISH MY WIFE WOULD BE MORE ENCOURAGING!" Yes, the male ego has the need to be supported, admired and encouraged! Husbands NEED this from their wives; they want to receive genuine esteem and respect! Don't tell me your husband has no good qualities; everybody does, so be sure to emphasize those with sincerity! Some significant pointers are in order here:

1) Avoid criticism or ridicule of your husband in the presence of other people, especially your children! (A side note: I greatly appreciate that my wife has always practiced this principle!)

2) Avoid "nagging" your husband for his faults, mistakes, failures, and weaknesses. "A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious (nagging) wife are alike" (Proverbs 15). King Solomon of Israel and writer of The Book of Proverbs should know (since he had 700 wives and 300 concubines, as he strayed far and wide from God's plan)!

3) Practice complimenting your husband, especially in front of your children. Be genuine rather than pretentious or fake in your expression of approval; he'll discern which it is.

4) Positively recognize your husband and his strengths, achievements and his character in private, and in public without being obnoxious about it. Again, sincerity is the key!

"I WISH MY WIFE WOULD BE AFFECTIONATE!" The WISH LIST offered by husbands definitely expressed their desire for their wives to recognize and appreciate their physical needs. The impact of a smile, touch, hug, kiss, holding hands, cannot be over-emphasized! Wise wives will do these things, and will encourage their husbands to validate their own physical needs. You and your husband need to find ways to keep the romance and sparkle in your marriage; dates, meals out, movies, and a host of other mutually enjoyable activities will help in this endeavor.

Also, let's be honest and candid; sexual fulfillment is a major need in the life of most men in general and husbands in particular. This need is natural and on-going. Neither husband nor wife should be embarrassed relative to this need! It is also SPIRITUAL! The Scripture declares that husband and wife are "ONE FLESH!" "Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth. . .she is your companion and your wife by COVENANT (a sacred bond and relationship)" (Malachi 2:14). "Marriage is to be held in honor by all, and the marriage bed is un-defiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). The absence of a healthy and spiritual sexual relationship between a wife and her husband is extremely dangerous. "But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfilll his duty (fulfill her sexual needs) to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband" (I Corinthians 7:2-3). The Scripture goes on to say that wives and husbands must yield the authority over their own bodies to their spouse (I Corinthians 7:4). Therefore, "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control" (I Corinthians 7:5). Note: If you want 30 minutes to be sexually fulfilling, then make the other 23.5 hours a time of enjoying each other, sharing together creatively, positively and spiritually and to work through important issues you as a couple must address and solve. An important note must be added here. Sexual needs can and probably will change over time for husbands or wives or both. This is due to age, health, physical limitations, etc. so husbands and wives must creatively handle these changes, and remember a healthy marriage lasts a life-time over and above sexual activity.

"I WISH MY WIFE WOULD BE FORGIVING!" Some wives have been wounded by their husbands, and some husbands have been hurt deeply by their wives. To each I say, the Bible is very clear as it states we are to forgive one another just the same way Christ has forgiven us. "So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, love, gentleness and patience; bearing with (making allowance for) one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also must you" (Colossians 3:12-13). We are to continue forgiving those who we have a complaint against, remembering we are ALL IMPERFECT! "Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous. . .love does not act unbecomingly (improperly); it does not seek its own; is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered (does not keep a record), does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, bears (tolerates) all things, believes all things, hopes all things; endures all things" (First Corinthians 13:4-7). Forgiveness CHRIST'S WAY pertains to ALL people, spouse, children, extended family members, and even our enemies! If you want to be forgiven, then FORGIVE!

A closing thought is appropriate here. Some people sentence their spouse to a life-time of hard marital labor and marital isolation. It's time to commute the sentence and forgive the OFFENDER!