A FAMILY WISH LIST - #5

My sub-title for this last blog on THE FAMILY is "I WISH MY CHILDREN WOULD. . ." (This would be a good read together with age appropriate children.) Those of us who have children know it is not easy to be a parent! Being a mother or father has always been a real challenge because every child has both a human and a spiritual nature. That's been the case ever since the days of Cain and Abel; the first two of the children of Adam and Eve, and I do believe that the negative influences on children's natures today are so much greater than ever before!

Parenting effectively is the most important role you as a parent will ever face in life. Solomon did understand this and penned many godly insights in The Book of Proverbs in the Bible. Let's look at some of them:

- "Hear, my child, your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching; indeed, they

are a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments about your neck. If sinners entice you, do not

consent. . . ." (Proverbs 1:8-10).

-"My child, do not walk in the way of evil-doers; Keep your feet from their path, for their feet run to

do evil. . . ." (Proverbs 1:15-16).

- "My child, if you will receive my words And treasure my commandments within you, Make your

ears attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding; For if you cry for discernment, and

lift your voice for understanding. . .Then you will discern the fear of the LORD And discover the

knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom. . . ." (Proverbs 2:1-6).

Godly parents have definite aspirations for their children. One thing is for certain, parents who truly love Jesus desire their children to also commit themselves to a life-long personal relationship with Christ. They also want to have a positive, healthy relationship with their children and to see them reach their full potential. While we recognize this world and its culture is spiritually hostile, we want our children to grow up with Biblical values, and with a trust in Jesus that won't quit even in the midst of ungodliness and unrighteousness, so that they are not swayed by the ungodly influencers all around them.

So, having asked parents in my church to complete this sentence: 'I WISH MY CHILDREN WOULD

. . .", let's see if we find ourselves in their responses. If the family is going to be what God intends it to be, children have to learn to cooperate, also. The Wish List varied all the way from "I Wish My Children Would Pick Up Their Room" to "I Wish My Children Would Take My Grandchildren to church." Since they covered such a broad age span, I have divided them into three separate stages of life.

1) YOUNGER CHILDREN:

- "I WISH MY CHILDREN WOULD OBEY ME!" The Scripture is clear regarding the obedience of children, "Children, obey your parents in the LORD, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER, SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH" (Ephesians 6:1-3). This ONE specific commandment given to children to obey their parents, comes with a promise - that they might enjoy a long life. Obedience is required because it is RIGHT, and is our Righteous God's will for children! We parents must be sure we don't require any obedience from our children that would involve dishonoring the LORD or be in violation of what He commands. Thinking about this "wish" for obedience, how many times do you have to repeat what you want from your children? Parents don't want or need to be repeating over and over what they expect their children to do! Remembering that all children are born with a sinful and self-willed nature, we must understand that obedience is a learned characteristic. Learning involves teaching, training and appropriate discipline. Children's obedience should be their first response to their parents, not a delayed or neglected response, or with a disgruntled attitude. The longer parents wait to teach obedience to a child the harder it is for them to learn it! Start in the first years with patience, consistency and gentleness. Parents, leave out anger, yelling, hitting, and other expressions of frustration, which literally destroys the child's ability to learn. And remember. . . . repetition, repetition, repetition. Don't give up!

-"I WISH MY CHILDREN WOULD GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER!" ". . .you yourselves are taught by God to love one another" (I Thessalonians 4:9). Ask yourself, "Am I setting the example?" Some bickering between brothers and sisters is normal and perhaps even appropriate at times. However, inappropriate language, fighting and argumentation between siblings must not be tolerated. Parents need to realize that while some minor sibling rivalry will occur, they can use it as an opportunity to teach their children to show their siblings respect, kindness and love, and to learn and practice age-appropriate conflict resolution and responsibility. The very best training ground for this is in the home and the very best teachers are you, their parents!

-"I WISH MY CHILDREN WOULD RECEIVE JESUS AS THEIR SAVIOR AT AN EARLY AGE!" Since this is a true desire of Christian parents, it is vital they expose their children to Bible reading, prayer, church involvement, and family devotions. Children need to understand the "stories of Jesus", His love, His death, and His resurrection along with what it all means to them. "How can they call on Him in Whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of Whom they have not heard?" (Romans 10:14).

2) TEENAGERS:

-"I WISH FOR MY TEENAGERS TO REMAIN MORALLY PURE!" It is no secret, every teenager knows there are many temptations right at their fingertips every day. One doesn't have to look far for these solicitations because they lurk from so-called friends, school-mates, sports team members, as well as from external sources such as social media, videos, television, the internet, etc. Pornographic sites are abundant and subtle; they can even appear on browsers unexpected and unsolicited. Teenager, your parents truly desire you to have the moral courage to resist the appeal of substance abuse, harmful drugs, alcohol, tobacco, sexual promiscuity, suggestive behaviors and other wrongful things. It is a tough thing to avoid these temptations in this culture, but be wise, alert and make good choices. Seek to live a wholesome life under the direction, help and guidance of the Holy Spirit. Saturate your mind and heart with God's Word every day. "How can a young man (young woman) keep his/her way pure? By keeping it according to Your Word" (Psalm 119:9). "I have more insight than all my teachers, for Your commands are my meditation" (Psalm 119:99). Seek to conquer the confusion that many times resides in your mind and spirit by filling it with scripture. "For I know that nothing good (or holy) dwells in me (apart from knowing Jesus), that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not" (Romans 7:18). That's why your parents wish so very much that you will choose to be morally pure!

-"I WISH MY TEENAGERS WOULD HAVE A PLEASANT ATTITUDE IN THE HOME!" Many teen-

agers seem to have no clue how important their attitudes and actions are! Many reasons can exist for these unpleasant behaviors. Are you as parents living in a way that your teenager can respect? Do they see insincerity, deceit, uncontrolled anger, arguing, unforgiving parents? As parents, we need to check our own attitudes and make sure we are modeling being pleasant. Also, teenagers are in a period of many hormonal changes and learning how to handle all that is going on inside of them is difficult! We as parents must learn how to step back and give them space for new emotions. "It's a two-way street"!

Teenager, when you are sullen, rebellious, indifferent, unmotivated, or distanced from others in your home, you affect the mood of the entire family! Practice (using the old saying "practice makes perfect") just the opposite, for when you are pleasant, cooperative, joyful and engaged, it lifts the spirit and atmosphere of everyone in your house. Your parents truly wish to maintain a positive, loving and gracious relationship with you as you continue to grow up to maturity. They also wish for you to respect and honor them in your attitudes, words and behavior! "It's a two-way street"!

-"I WISH MY TEENAGERS WOULD RESPECT AUTHORITY!" Again, if not taught in the early years to respect the authority of their parents, grandparents, teachers, police, etc., it will result in this wish being yours! Many teens in our culture today have the idea that they are "an authority" unto themselves. They appear to say, "I will do it my way", "no one can tell me what to do", "I can manage myself", "I have the freedom to live like I want to", "after all, none of my friends have to do that", etc. YES, at times it's hard to understand that we are ALL under someone else's authority; some one IS in charge of us! If God is not our master, then satan is! None of us lives unto ourselves alone! "Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in (spiritual) death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness? (Romans 6:16). The Bible tells us that God has placed your parents in authority over their children, and that we are to obey the governing authorities over us so that we may live peaceful lives. Your parents also wish for you to practice responsibility and self-control. And be sure of this, your parents who worship Jesus want you to develop an intense love for Him, His Word and submit to His authority!

3) ADULT CHILDREN:

-"I WISH MY CHILDREN AND I COULD HAVE AN ON-GOING RELATIONSHIP!" Staying meaningfully connected to adult children who are on their own takes time, commitment, effort, forgiveness and sincere communication! This becomes increasingly important as parents age or experience poor health. Attention, love and understanding are all essential. Parents in this category must learn that there are boundaries in what they say and do. Children in this category need to accept that their parents are people too and it is hard to learn a new role. Keep in mind, your parents have been in your role (young, ambitious, energetic, had babies/toddlers/youngsters /teenagers/adults), you have not yet been in their role. You must try to understand all the changes they are experiencing. They may have needs they are learning to accept and navigate..

Parents must respect and honor the natural "leave and cleave" boundaries the Scripture

commands. "a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Parents of adult children need to give them the space that's healthy for them and their own families, while still providing support, encouragement and being a

resource. Good communication skills on both sides are so important. There are too many families that are dysfunctional and estranged at this level, rather than having a joyful connection.

-"I WISH MY ADULT CHILDREN WOULD BE FAITHFUL TO THE LORD AND LOVE HIM ALWAYS!" This was the most repeated wish from parents! Christian parents get more joy and fulfillment out of knowing their adult children are walking close to Jesus then they do knowing their children are successful, famous or rich in the world's eyes! These parents are greatly disturbed about their adult children who have strayed from that close walk with God. They want their children to give their grandchildren a godly heritage!

One last expressed wish from parents for their children was, "I WISH OUR KIDS WOULD KNOW HOW DEEPLY WE LOVE THEM!" It's such a fitting wish to conclude this blog!